


Family Family Fun Times

by FireDrillDrill



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Humanstuck, Will add characters and pairings as necessary, loosely connected one-shots, one-shot set
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2012-11-15
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:49:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireDrillDrill/pseuds/FireDrillDrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set of short scenes set in a standard modern universe. Will mostly focus on relations between the pre- and post-Scratch counterparts as families.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Karkat: Avoid familial unit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing people home for the first time is never easy, for various reasons.

“Okay, so you actually are not allowed to talk to my family. None of them. At all. Am I clear?”

“Yes, yes, we’ve been over this, avoid all contact if possible. I’d hate to get any sort of Vantas germs anyway, who knows what they’re carrying.”

“Avoid contact even if not possible!” Karkat snaps back, ignoring her other comment. “This is for your own safety.”

“Karkat, it’s your family and you said they’re nothing like you, how bad can they be?” Terezi finds this whole thing hilarious, but then she’s never met any of them. Not that there was much wrong with his parents. They were pretty all right. But his siblings. “Just _chill_. Besides, didn’t you say they were out of the house right now?”

“They should be.” Karkat can’t ever make any promises.

The house was quiet, which was a relief. Good, there didn’t seem to be anyone home right now. Karkat tried to just direct his girlfriend to the living room, but she insisted on accompanying him to the kitchen because she wanted to see (not literally) his entire unimpressive house and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Eventually he just gave up and let her follow him around.

Of course, when he reached the kitchen.

“Don’t you have a fucking _job_ to go to right now.” Preemptive embarassment and fury came like a flash flood.

“Oh, Karkat, welcome home,” Kankri, who was making some tea on the stove, gives his brother a bright smile. “I was worried since usually you’re back an hour or so ago but for whatever reason you decided to stay after school without telling anyone, is that correct? Honestly, you should be more concerned about letting your family know where you are, especially when you remember the kinds of things that can happen to a teenager your age if unattended.” Even though he was with Terezi but whatever. “You should show more concern about protecting yourself, I’m disappointed. Furthermore, please refrain from saying ‘fucking’ or variations thereof—it’s blatantly rude and given our parents don’t tolerate it, I don’t see why _I_ should. Don’t you know there are people in the nearby vicinity who dislike hearing such words?”

“I thought you were employed and earning money at this day and this time,” Karkat says. Next to him, Terezi bursts out in laughter at all the fortune Lady Luck has so graciously decided to bestow on him to day (absolutely none, to be clear).

“What? Hmm, well, my boss decided I needed a break from haras—informing the customers of various problems inherent within the restaurant’s system. I was simply stating ways it could be efficient, I didn’t see the problem.”

“So you got fired.” His voice is blunt. “We do actually _need_ that money, you know.”

Kankri completely ignores the statement, much to the younger Vantas's chagrin, instead turning his attention to Terezi. “Ah, you must be Karkat’s friend! I’m his brother, Kankri, I don’t believe we’ve met. You’re one of the freshmen at our school, are you not?”

“That’s right! I’m in his class,” she replies, tilting her head in Karkat’s direction. All the sheer amusement on her face gnaws at Karkat. He knew she would think this was stupid, which was why he was hoping Kankri actually managed to hold on to his fucking job. Of course not.

“I thought I said no contact!”

“Karkat, please be sensitive to the fact she is blind and thus relies on physical contact as a way to make up for her loss.” Wow, what a mistake is was mentioning anything about psychotic blind girls at the dinner table, never trying that again. “As someone who lives in a disabled household, I would expect you to be more sensitive to these matters. Anyways, Terezi, it’s wonderful to meet you.”

“Likewise.” She’s still doing that weird mocking giggly thing, with that almost obviously false politeness because, as she so enjoys informing you, she has plenty of _courtesy_. Kankri, douche that he is, is shaking her hand and he starts _talking_.

“It’s amazing that girl such as yourself, as not only blind but a person of color, can be described by someone like Karkat so easily as a strong, able woman, with attending basic insults but I think those can be dismissed given his personality. You really are a role model to the people everywhere; would you perhaps ever be interesting in attending any sort of meeting for people who are less able to cope with handicaps? I think you could provide some true inspiration for the people there and—”

“ _Brother dearest_ ,” Karkat interrupts. He continually clenches and unclenches his fists, and blows out a long breath. “Why don’t you go find a fucking job to replace the one you _lost_. To make sure we can pay bills. That you help with. Remember?”

“I figure I can just go back to work tomorrow. Today, after a small tea break, I can go down to the animal shelter to see if I can help out there.”

“That sounds like a fantastic idea!" There was so much false enthusiasm there that Karkat was pretty sure it would break even Kankri's leather-thick skull. "Go do it. Now. So you can fully understand, that’s a _social cue_ , which I know you fucking love to look at and examine down to its finest hairs, to leave to go do something like pester the people at the animal shelter so Terezi and I can move on with our lives. Okay?”

Kankri sighs. “Oh fine, I’ll leave you two to be. But Terezi, I do hope you’ll consider my offer.” She doesn’t say a thing, just laughs, and he glances back at Karkat. “Be careful not to disturb the neighbors, okay?”

“Right, right, whatever, now get!” It’s not they bothered the neighbors a lot anyway. It was seriously only one complaint in one isolated incident.

Kankri finished making his cup of tea and left for his and Karkat’s room, and once the door clicked shut Terezi prodded his shoulder, grinning that crazed grin of hers. “So Nepeta comes home in two hours, you said?”

She was never going to let this go, was she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire thing is mostly me indulging my love of stupid short scenes like this and writing character dynamics. Starting with these guys.
> 
> Kankri would be that kid on the debate team who doesn't care that he isn't following any of the debate rules ever and it's hurting his team so long as he gets his point across.


	2. Terezi: Commence food fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Latula and Terezi watch baseball.

“All right, he’s winding up! Arms are crazy like a mad hatter in here! All right, little more and… bam! Strike! Another out!” Terezi and Latula simultaneously groan. “ _Day_ -um, girl, I think our team might be down for the count this time ‘round,” Latula continues in her favorite dramatically forlorn voice.

“We still have hope! Our team shall bring them justice!” Terezi cheers skyward, her fist shooting in the air and accidentally knocking over something in the process. Although she can’t see the game, only hear it, Latula’s play-by-play commentary makes for an interesting game in her imagination. Probably dozens of times better than the game on screen.

“Haha, damn straight!” The sisters shared a high five, tossing up a bit of popcorn in the air while they do so. It falls back down on them, jumping harmlessly off their heads, and each shuffles to pick up and gobble down more than her opponent. A _nd another strike for the Orioles!_ sounds on the television, and they halt everything and whip around to stare at the screen.

“Still hope, eh?” Latula’s voice is light and teasing—they never cared about who won in the first place. “And here I thought you were supposed to be the smart one! Don’t go losing you’re hellamad touch on me!”

“You say that like there’s a chance!”

“Well, there seems to be, don’t there?” The scent of a challenge lingers in the air.

Terezi, eager for revenge, takes a bite of the liquidy ice cream on the table, and then dips her spoon back in, a little bit extra coating her fingers. Scooping up as much of the cherry-chocolate concoction as she can, she flings it in what she assumes is Latula’s direction. Judging by the sound of a muffled squeak of shock and the following scoff, she has yet again accomplished something using the masterful art of blind aim.

“You lookin’ for a fight with _master_ , squirt?”

There’s the crunch of chips and, before she can dodge, suddenly the feel of grinding on her head and in her hair. Terezi fights back by tossing popcorn at her and hoping enough lands in her shirt to be a distraction. Latula snickers and blows in her face just as she tries it, and between the diversion and her own laughter disorienting her, Terezi’s hardly able to toss the food, hitting something with it was out of the question. It falls from her fingers and bounces off her legs. She whacks all of it at the madly laughing skater girl.

Their food fight continues, each sister tossing ice cream and candies and anything edible within reach. Latula gets Terezi pinned long enough to dump a half-empty cup of soda and ice on her head, and Terezi in turn uses her sister’s salsa’d face to attach lime-scented tortilla chips and greasy popcorn. They’re a squealing, cackling mess of salt, sugar, and junk food.

They’re unrecognizable afterwards, beneath layers and heaps and maybe twenty dollars of snacks ranging from their favorite ice creams to some cheesecake to chips, salsa splattering their matching shades and their clothes dyed red, purple, and green. They sleep in their sticky mess, lips set in the giggling grins they wore when neither could continue on. The opposite team’s victory played out to a collapsed audience.

When she thinks about it, they don’t get to do things like this much anymore, not with Mituna sleeping in Lala’s room waiting for his next therapy session while Sollux was out studying in France and not while Karkat was under the impression being a boyfriend was a clingy deal. Men were always such attention hoarders, weren’t they, even more so as they got older.

Way too much so.

But the times when the Pyrope sisters busy themselves cleaning soda and barbeque chips off the apartment’s carpet the morning after were always Terezi’s favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more of Terezi. I'll probably try the Maryams or Serkets next.


	3. Eridan: Play cards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teamwork is key, they say, but sometimes teamwork is also complete shit.

People did not play cards with the Serket family.

The Serket family was uncannily good at it, particularly the two daughters (their mother was no slouch, but she had lost her touch). Vriska was a lucky girl by nature, but she was also a talented cheat and liar when luck failed as her greatest weapon. She could fool anyone if she needed to. Aranea, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what everyone was thinking. No matter how stoic the other players appeared, she could sense arrogance or panic or lies, evidently a very competent reader of microexpressions. They seemed to cancel each other out, leaving only the others to prey on. And they did, in these team poker games where there was one hand for two people, Ampora versus Serket, violet versus cobalt.

So, given that it was a really fucking bad idea to play cards with the Serket family, it was only natural that Eridan and Cronus were playing cards with the Serket family.

They’re collected around the ornate Serket dinner table. Aranea has convinced Vriska to fold again (wise move, the Amporas were rocking a straight in their hand), and they rakes in their ante.

Cronus had confidence. Eridan knew his limits. One figured they had a shot at winning, the other was pretty damn sure they would be a hundred dollars poorer by the end of the night, and that was after Aranea, gracious wonder that she is, secretly let them keep half of what they lost.

It didn’t help that the former had suggested this become a game of strip poker and then subsequently thought it would be brilliant fun to invite the Pyropes to join their game.

Cronus was keeping his face completely straight this round, and Eridan tried to copy it. Their hand—three of hearts, seven of diamonds, five of diamonds, king of clubs, and nine of hearts—wasn’t exactly what screamed “winner winner!”

A single twitch of the eyebrow.

Aranea’s eyes flash knowingly, and she whispers something to Vriska. Vriska examines their hand and smirks back. God, how the fuck did those two know how to work together so well. Cronus’s expression remains constant, cool and calm.

The two go all-out, all of their money into the center, over a third of it Ampora money.

No choice but to fold.

Vriska giggles a girlishly arrogant giggle, one of those evil giggles you hear from the top-of-the-high-school-social-ladder girls straight from the cartoons. They’re winning and they know it. She places ante in the center of the table, and Eridan scoots in his own change to match it.

Cronus, head resting in palm, makes an idle comment. “So, Miss Aranea, don’t think I’m not noticing you slipping glances towards my person.”

“I think I’ve firmly avoided anywhere but your face,” Aranea replies coolly, almost brusquely. It is nice that she’s willing to acknowledge how constantly watched for their reactions, what a great fuckin’ hostess.

“Oh, I think I’ve seen a couple of those knowing looks go a little farther south of my face.” Cronus gives her a sly smile, and she frown disapprovingly in return. Was that tinge of red?

Vriska is visibly disgusted.

However, Aranea looks at them for their reactions to their cards less often, azure eyes firmly on her own hand. It’s obvious Vriska notices this and she tries to compensate, but she was not as talented as her sister at reading faces. Which means she resorts to cheating. They just can’t catch her in the act, which means they can’t call her out on it. Eridan’s pretty sure not even Aranea knows when Vriska cheats, and they share a fucking hand!

Cronus whispers to him, “Chief, say something to keep the little kitten from cheating.”

Eridan stares at him in exasperation, which his brother returns with an aggravated but encouraging nod and an elbow to the ribs. “Like what? Quit cheating, you little bitch?” Eridan hisses.

“Think of something, make her _melt_.”

What, was he supposed to hit on her like Cronus did with Aranea? They had a nice rivalry going—competing in grades (despite the fact she was a year younger than him, stupid sohphmores, they had some same classes; one point Eridan for better history grades so _ha-ha_ ), in sports (… fine, one point Vriska, but barely), in work (Vriska gets points for the boss liking her better and for getting a raise first), in poker (fuck the point system), in everything! He didn’t need to fuck that up—and it's not like Vris would ever let anything he said go—simply because Cronus wanted victory! Fuck no, brother, you’re on your own.

Cronus gets impatient, rolls his eyes, and shifts his attention back to their cards—oh look, two pair. Across the table, the Serkets exchange a puzzled glance, trying to understand the exchange, but everyone remains silent. Wow, it’s tense enough to crush a guy like he’s under a thousand feet of ocean.

Cronus calls and raises the bet while Eridan stews.

Ten minutes and five hands later (one win!), Cronus speaks again. “Vriska, excuse my lack of cultural knowledge, but is it accepted back in New York to constantly put your hands under the table?” Aranea turns her head to her sister, slightly panicked.

“Quite! It’s very common!” she responds brightly. What a fucking lie. “Why do you ask?”

“What is it you do under the table?” He has on that sly smile again, and again Vriska is disgusted and makes her opinion visible.

Amporas get the next hand on a bluff.

There was a reason that Cronus was called a creep, a very distinct one that neither thought was fair, but there was a reason. But it was also for reasons like this that they somehow managed to keep a hold on half of what they had when the session started, plus the extra quarter from Aranea.

Cronus claps him on the back with a cheerful comment about his little brother's uselessness on the way out.


	4. Meulin: Gain two new siblings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> July 22nd: She waits on a bench while her mother summons a dragon

It’s all more than her little mind can handle.

Mama is in the hospital room and she was crying out in pain and she was having this thing called a “contraction” that also seemed to be Very Bad for her body, but regardless Mama was being very strong and going through with it anyways because apparently this will summon the dragon that brings in the babies, and the oracle doctor told Mama that there was going to be two babies! And that’s cool but it still doesn’t make sense why Mama’s belly has to swell like those water balloons they had at her last birthday, or why the summoning process involves so much pain.

Rufioh really makes no sense sometimes. And he’s a year older than her! He should be better at telling stories!

Step-Kankri is nearby telling a nurse about something. Judging from the speed of his lips, he’s been speaking very quickly and had been for a while, because he took up talking and everything that came with it really _really_ fast. Meulin always tries to tell him to slow down when he talks so she can use something other than her deteriorating hearing to understand, but he never listens. He’s like that thing that her step-dad called the Terrible Twos only worse since now he’s three and he should have gotten over that on his last birthday! All in due time, though.

Her step-dad is in fact waiting over by the door, like the ones they show on the TV shows. He’s pretty nice a lot of the time but sometimes he gets really temperamental and rants on and on about problems regarding something called “discrimination” and “expression of opinion.” He’s really smart, Mama says, and he speaks about this to people all the time, but Meulin can’t help but think some of it is boring, especially since she can’t even hear most of it. Understanding? Way not gonna happen any time soon.

The point was he’s on edge now like he is during those times.

Step-Kankri apparently got really bored of talking to the nurse, and now he had climbed up on the bench next to her. He must have talked forever because his eyes are drooping, which is really cute on him. Meulin, who likes to consider herself a good big step-sister (she doesn’t entirely understand the concept of “step-“ but apparently when you aren’t related by blood to your family then you put that in front of everything, but only mentally, plus stairs are pretty cool. Like spiral staircases!), puts his head in her lap, and soon after he starts snoozing.

Doctors still passed by doing whatever it was doctors do, and soon enough Step-Dad was called inside the room where Mama was. A nurse was sent out to watch them, and she gave them a tight smile and Meulin smiled back while she petted her sleeping brother’s mess of hair.

It got kinda boring and quiet after that, since everybody was so busy, even the nurse who was supposed to be babysitting them only seemed to pay them mild attention. Another boy, passing by noticing her imminent boredom, propped himself up next to her. He doesn’t say anything at first, so she asked why he was at the hospital today. He shrugs and replies with something she couldn’t catch, so he repeats it slowly.

“My uncle, the one I live with, he got in a fight with someone so they’re making sure he has no broken bones,” he says.

Meulin blinks. She had never head of any adults fighting before, aside from stupid arguments. Mama always said that was a highschooler thing and she wasn’t allowed to get into fights until highschool and college and then she had to give up fighting forever.

“He’s fine, though,” the boy clarifies. “He’s come home like this before, only this time he forgot to clean himself up and so our neighbor got worried.” He had white stuff all over his face that she kinda wanted to touch to see if it would wipe off or if it was a permanent part of his complextion.

“So he doesn’t have any broken bones?”

“He might have a fractured arm,” The boy waves his arm in the air like a wing, “but no, arm bones are strong, he says.” Meulin glanced towards his arm. It was a normal arm, it didn’t seem particularly durable. He glances down at Step-Kankri. “Who’s that?”

“He’s my little step-brother! Isn’t he adorable?” The boy-kid smiles and laughs. “And we’re gonna get two more babies! Mama’s out there in the room summoning the dragon that’s gonna give us the new babies!”

“Dragons don’t bring babies.” He tilts his head, confused.

“They do though! Rufioh said so and he knows lotsa stuff about things!”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive!” He seems to accept this into his philosophy. They chatted for a while and she learned his name was Kurloz and he was going into the fourth grade (to her second! She's a little jealous) that he liked mimes because mimes were cool and that at his house they always have lots of potato chips, unlike at the Vantas-Leijon house where there are tons of veggies and cereals. Step-Dad needs to learn more about the joys of meat, and Kurloz agreed with her when she told him so.

Halfway into a discussion of the entertainment value of crayons, Step-Dad emerges out of the mystery white room and told her to bring Kankri and they could see the new babies.

“What about the dragon?” she cries, dismayed.

“Sorry, honey, you have to be one of the parents to see the dragon. Don’t you want to see your new brother and sister?” She tries to get Kurloz to come with her, but Step-Dad tells her that only family members can see the baby, which is obviously quite stupid and adults don’t know what they’re talking about. He assures her that one day her new friend can see the new babies, too, just a little while into the future.

So they say their respective goodbyes and they agree to look for each other at recess on the first day of school next month, and thus Meulin waves goodbye.

She rushes into the room where Mama is and her normally wild hair is matted against her head and she looks tired but she’s cradling two infants whose mouths were wide open in screams she could only just hear and her smile is that tired kind of happy, like content but in desperate need of a nap. “Kankri, Meulin, say hello to your new siblings.”

Step-Kankri says hello and a couple other things and keeps on going until Step-Dad shushes him. Meulin doesn’t say hello, doesn’t even speak, just watches the little babies that were related to her and they shared the same parents (or at least one) and they were cutest thing she’s ever seen.

She remembers the discussion where they were deciding on names, and she and Step-Kankri were sitting next to them throwing out suggestions with them.

The little boy who had stopped screaming now that Mama was starting to feed him, he's Karkat and she could see that she was going to love him no matter what personality problems he showed as he got older. The little girl, the only batting playfully at Mama’s hair, she’s Nepeta, and Meulin was sure they were going to do sisterly things together like make rabbit traps and learn all about the computers and talking with other people over the internet!

She let out a little excited squeal at the prospect of all the things she could do with her new family. Maybe she hadn't realized it sitting out there on the boring old bench with the significantly less boring Kurloz, but her little babies were going to be absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to write endings: a book not by me.

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing is mostly me indulging my love of stupid short scenes like this and writing character dynamics. Starting with these guys.
> 
> Kankri would be that kid on the debate team who doesn't care that he isn't following any of the debate rules ever and it's hurting his team so long as he gets his point across.


End file.
